In the Long Run

Joe, Ozzie, and Randall. Innocent enough names, right? Like maybe they could be the names of cute, albeit playfully mischievous, kids in a Spanky and Our Gang-type neighborhood club. If only that were the case, the Olympus Hills residents might indulgently accept the behavior of these three males. Well, the bearers of these names are our neighbors, but they are not human. Meet The Hounds from Hell in the accompanying video.

The humans who own these cursed canines seemed like nice people when they moved in next door about four years ago. But it soon became apparent to us that we would never be good friends, because their demonic dogs were hell-bent on destroying the peace and serenity of our happy home.

Beelzebub’s beasts bark at anything and everything: a passing car, an elderly couple on an evening walk, birds flying overhead, their own shadows, the wind blowing tree leaves, a circling airplane, a light turning on at night, a 2-year old playing in her yard across the street, a harmless woman videotaping them. It is not just simple territorial-defending-my-property-warning barking; these cloven-footed curs can bark on and on for hours.

If we step out on our back deck, the mangy mongrels charge the chain-link fence, and commence their non-stop snarling, growling, salivating, and barking. If we adjust our sprinkler system, they charge the chain-link fence, and commence their non-stop snarling, growling, salivating, and barking. If we weed or water our garden, they charge the chain-link fence, and…well, you get the picture, and if you don’t, just watch the video again.

My husband, normally a dog-lover by nature, describes them as miserable wastes of amino acid, and calls them the BDD—Brain Dead Dogs. “If after four years, and hundreds of incidents, they haven’t realized that it is a normal, and a non-threatening event for us to be in our backyard, they are incapable of learning. I conclude that they are brain-dead,” he pronounced wryly. More evidence of their diminished capacity is the fact that he has used the sprinklers and garden hose on them frequently for some operant conditioning, and they still return to the fence time after time with the same ill behavior.

It is a dog-gone shame, and extremely irritating, that our neighbors seem unaware of how galling their pets are, and in fact, treat them like they are adorable lapdogs that should be spoiled and pampered. It annoys me unbearably when the neighbors tie jaunty bandanas around the dogs’ necks, as though they are cute and charming pups. ARRGGGHHH!

We’ve suggested politely to our neighbors several times that their dogs need to be controlled. They’ve responded by occasionally yelling at the dogs to “Knock it off!” or by temporarily taking them into the house, or into the garage at night. As much as I despise these detestable dogs, I realize that their owners are truly the guilty parties. I find it highly irresponsible that they refuse to train their pets to behave appropriately, and that because of their negligence, our neighborhood is definitely going to the dogs.

Posted by Cyppy at 8:12 PM